Has a friend ever told you something that you didn’t want to hear?
I am not referring to something malicious, nor an insult thrown out of anger, but the kind of comment that makes you reflect–like a punch in the gut from a person who cares about you.
I had that experience the other day.
A close friend of mine here in Nashville and I were having lunch together. We’ve known each other for years. We’ve shared many conversations, victories, and struggles together. It is the kind of friendship where honesty is expected and trust has already been established.
At one point during the meal, he paused and said, “Bob, can I be completely honest with you?”
“Yes,” I said cautiously.
And then, it happened. He went on to tell me something that genuinely hurt–not because it was cruel, but because it was true.
Why Truth Often Feels Like a Wound
My friend proceeded to explain how he experiences me at times. He pointed out a tendency in my behavior that I knew existed, yet I still had continued in the habit. As he spoke, I felt that familiar internal resistance rise up. Part of me that wanted to defend myself, explain myself, justify myself.
But I couldn’t.
Deep down, I knew he was right.
None of us enjoy being corrected. We prefer to think of ourselves as finished products. We like to imagine that we’ve already arrived, that our flaws are minor and our blind spots are none. Yet Scripture paints a very different picture of spiritual maturity.
One of my favorite Proverbs says:
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Proverbs 27:6)
What a fascinating contrast.
The enemy flatters you, providing you kisses. The friend can be trusted, because he tells you the truth.
A true friend is willing to risk his own temporary discomfort for your long-term growth. A true friend loves you enough to tell the truth, even when it stings.
The Gift Hidden Inside Correction
As my friend shared with me honestly, he acted like a mirror for me. He reflected something back to me that I needed to see. It wasn’t new information. In many ways, it was something I already knew about myself. But there is a difference between quietly suspecting a weakness and hearing it confirmed by someone you trust.
That conversation, though initially painful, became a gift to me. It reminded me that I still have room to grow, and that my sanctification is nowhere near finished. It reminded me that God is still shaping me, refining me, and exposing rough edges that need His attention.
I am not a finished product.
Not even close.
That hard conversation also created something unexpected. It also created a deeper level of closeness between us friends.
Hard conversations = Closer friendships.
Not only was my friend able to share his perspective, but I was also able to share my own. I went on to explain to him some of the internal struggles that I’ve been dealing with, which were directly reflected in the weaknesses he noticed.
To be clear, I was not making excuses for my actions. Wrong is still wrong. Sin is still sin. However, having tough conversations often translates into empathy. We understand one another as we hear one another.
What began as a wound became an opportunity for greater connection.
What could have created distance actually strengthened our friendship.
A Question Worth Asking
My encouragement to you this week is to look inward, not outward. Please, do not take this as you sign to immediately call your best friend and unload every criticism you have of them!
Instead, I encourage you to start with yourself. Ask a different question.
Are you willing to be wounded?
Are you mature enough to receive correction?
Are you secure enough in your standing with Christ that you can hear something difficult without becoming defensive?
Are you teachable?
Because if we lose the ability to receive honest feedback, we also lose one of God’s primary tools for growth: an honest friend.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted.
Blessings,
